Matos 21

Watched Rush Hour 3 with Juliana today. The theater reminded me a
little of the ArcLight - assigned seating, large plush seats, wide
aisles. But only costing $1.50. That's right, 10% of the cost!
Well, ok, so it wasn't perfect sound or picture. But at least it
wasn't pirated, incomplete or missing the bottom half of the
picture! And we got chocolate Pocky (Can't get that at a theater in
the states!) and yummy popcorn!

It was definitely fun to see pictures of home: the L.A. city skyline,
intersections in downtown, and of course, the freeway traffic! It
felt funny to get SO excited, but I'm beginning to understand what it
means to miss the familiar comforts of Los Angeles.

Jennifer went to Surabaya today. I asked her to get me a Starbucks
mug. I haven't even had Starbucks since I've been here. But I
wanted a mug to call my own. I can take it to work or bring it home,
and it's simply, my own. Plus a fun reminder of oversized, plush
chairs, great conversations, and time with dear friends.

In Good Company

We had a huge birthday party for 3 friends. Mexican burritos were
delicious (Made me miss yummy cheese, beans and spanish rice)!

Brenda came back after 6 weeks at home. I've just been here for over
7. It was the day after she left that I burnt myself trying to learn
to ride her bike.

She came over and it was hilarious hearing her and Jennifer talk
about things they miss from home. There are things that I have yet
to discover, but for many of the things they shared, I can already
understand.

Things that are different, things that are missed:
- Seemingly never-ending aisles of shampoo options - straight hair,
curly hair, colored hair... in all different brands. Plus the
conditioners to match!
- Starbucks every few blocks. The closest one to us is on the other
side of the mud volcano, a 2-5 hours drive.
- At every intersection, people honk - just so that you're aware
they're coming.
- Motorcycles weave in and out as they please. If you wave at a
coming car, they will stop for you to cross. There are no effective
cross walks here.
- Drive on the left side of the road. That in itself is enough of a
shift to get used to - I would often walk to the driver's side to get
into a car or taxi! I'm still not sure if there is a correct side of
the street to walk on when there are no sidewalks.

Intuition Razors
Post Stamps (Letter $.41 and Postcard $.26)
Sour Jelly Bellies
Dried Bing Cherries
Jello Instant Chocolate Pudding Mix

Things I like that aren't exactly in the neighborhood supermarket

Theraflu - Lemon and Apple Cinnamon flavors
Zicam - Cold Remedy Gel Swabs
Burt's Bees Citrus Spice Exfoliating Shower Soap
Airborne - Pink Grapefruit
Midol
Camomile and English Breakfast Tea
Ziploc bags
Advil Liqui-Gels
Stationery doo-jiggies (3-D stickers for Juliana)
Pictures of you!

Notice? It's almost like a pharmacy. Well, I've been less than 100%
since Friday night, and I'm not sure why. Not being able to run into
CVS, Walgreens or even Ralphs, I am realizing things I would miss if
I had such symptoms.... Plus random things I already miss having
easy access to...

And then there are bigger things I miss having, like plush carpet, a
plush recliner in our huge living room, the plush sofas at Starbucks,
a bathtub, full walls, my car, the freedom to travel safely at any
given hour - alone and, simply, knowing what direction I'm headed
in. Bean and cheese burritos, horchata, Sharky's nachos, pho, sushi,
shaved ice, won ton noodle soup for $3, ha gao, sui mai, brie from
the wine and cheese shop, La Maschera pizza, lasagna or cauliflower
soup, Lee's Tofu, Jamba Juice, creamy ice cream, - just to name a few...

After all of my recent traveling, I'm finally settling in to my home
here.

... Though, I didn't miss the call to prayer blaring at 4 am, at
noon, at 3, at 5 or at 7, when we're in the middle of a dinner
conversation, a movie, or sleep.

Taman Safari!!!

Can you imagine a safari, a zoo and an amusement park all in one? Today I went with 3 families to visit Taman Safari. And that's exactly what it was like. We saw tigers and lions and bears, oh my! Crocodiles, chimpanzees, orangoutangs, elephants, giraffes, camels, zebras, antelopes, porcupines, deer, spotted deer, and jaguars, panthers, leopards, or cheetahs - we couldn't tell them all apart.

I petted a couple african lion cubs and held baby tigers, too! They are 1 week old and so soft!!!

I rode the bumper boats (Bom-Bom Boats) with Josiah. We got soaked! It was fun to hear that it was his favorite thing of the day!

I began feeling sick last night, but it was so worth going today! I'm missing out on going to Mt. Bromo tomorrow morning, but hopefully there will be more opportunities. For now, I need to rest. You'll be glad to know I'm making my health a priority...

Ideas

So I was asked to come up with concepts for a short animated film. And next week I'll be bringing my canvas journal to work. How great, I get to paint my abstract journal for the year in the office! I think it will work better than at home. A night with the house to myself. It's a great thing that I've just tripled my DVD collection with UN-pirated movies!!! Yippiee!!!

Constant = Change

Looking back, my "circle" continually changes dramatically. In college, I finally found the words for it. I felt like a spiritual orphan. For various reasons, people would flow in and out of my life. Sometimes it was by death, sometimes because of wrong choices, sometimes moving, or sometimes, simply, change. Each step along the way, it was disheartening to have these dear people leave. These would be people that I respected, people that I admired. I cared for them; did they not care for me? Was I not important enough for them to stay? Was I a disappointment to their expectations? Did they even know how much it hurt me? And for whatever reason, it was time to let go.

Only now, at age 28, I am beginning to see that these encounters have prepared me for this day. I have come to treasure the relationships available to me in the present - perhaps for only a year or even for a single week. But I do not fear losing these connections because of all there that is to gain from each encounter in the mean time! How much I have already gained from these individuals!

I do anticipate that my relationships will continue to change, again and again. No doubt, it's hard to say, "good-bye," not knowing when we will meet again or in what capacity. But my heart has finally reached a point where, while knowing this, it is still strong. What an honor to have encountered the community that I have, from around the world, supporting me.

Suffering is relative

Relatively painful! Yesterday, I was encouraged to be exactly where I am, by a divine appointment. After having spent a week relaxing with friends by the beach and meeting GREAT families from around the world, I wasn't sure what my purpose would look like for the next 10 months. Yet, in the past month and a half, I have apparently made some real friendships. I walked onto campus, and before I knew it, Elle* and I were setting up an appointment to talk about some real issues. Some things aren't different around the globe. A dad who has an affair, still greatly affects his children. They are deeply grieved, hurt, disappointed and feel as if the perfect world they knew has just collapsed. What is right? What is true? Is this what it's supposed to be like? Doesn't he love us? Did we disappoint him? At age 23, it doesn't seem to lessen the pain of the once, solid relationship, which his three beautiful daughters saw as sacred and protected. Not that my own sufferings compare. But to be able to simply be available - it's as if something is right. I could hardly ask the right questions or say the right things. But it was a good reminder that there are people that connect to ME, and I simply have to be available for those encounters.

Bali Reunions

Families and friends came from around the world. What a beautiful week for us.

From the beautiful Pantai Kuta (Kuta Beach) to the money temple of Ubud, how precious to experience it all with dear friends! Wish I had pictures to post. It was simply fun just to have them here with me... How spoiled I am!

For now, here's a picture of my reunion with Yulia. Both wearing our "new" glasses. But, it looks like I lost my glasses somewhere between the airplane and the bus ride home... Imagine, a whole year with the same, one pair of glasses...

Miracle Day

This year, August 12 lands on a Sunday. 8 years go, a baby boy was raised from a water grave. He lives today. And not with a vegetable for a brain, but active and alive! His favorite sport is soccer and he plays nearly every day with his little brother.

To celebrate the miracles we experience every day, we enjoyed swimming at the place with 5 pools! There were over 20 of us, over half of them were kids! I didn't swim a ton because I didn't want to soak my leg in water. But I was asked to go down the slide, and how can you resist those kids?! We went down the slide a bunch of times! Just enough to wet my taste for wanting to be completely healed before Bali! Almost there!

The miracle of life happens at every moment. I'm hoping and asking for some big miracles, even now.

Monday Morning!

I had such a refreshing weekend! I was able to spend even more time with the group from Philly before they left. Friday, we spent the day at Polehan! We visited the families in their home, just like I did with Christal and Wenny on Tuesday! They remembered me! We put on a program for them, and I got to help with the craft station. And I even got to help sing Making Melodies. It was hilarious! I'm hopeful to learn more language so I can return and talk with those kids more! That afternoon, 3 families from around the world came to stay for a week. We will all travel to GLC together on Thursday! Saturday morning, we had fun with kids from all around the world! My station was crafts, surprise! Followed by the infamous cream bath (not literally a bath). We enjoyed conversations and simply watching worlds collide. 1) A spanish teacher from my high school came to visit with his family. 2) And one of the ladies' sisters goes to the Mayan! She's a paralegal in L.A. and wants to help with social justice issues around the world. Prior to my departure, I met a lady who just took the bar in hopes of doing the same, and she's also connected through home! 3) Funny how the parents of these 4 families were once friends as singles, not even dating. And now, they're married, have families and are spread all around the globe. What a world I'm beginning to see!

Safe, but I did feel it shake!

Last night I was overly excited to have 600 new pictures from our trips to Bali and Kalimantan.  So I was up until 1 a.m. getting them onto my hard drive.  A little after midnight, it started to shake.  For a moment, you kinda freak out, wondering if it will grow in intensity.  Then it stays a soft, steady shaking for a good 20-30 seconds, and what do you do?  You know it's an earthquake, a really mild one.  You wonder who else can feel it.  Or does that mean it's really bad somewhere else?  But then, it keeps going and you wonder if you're hypersensitive and just dreaming!    I didn't have internet access to confirm.  Apparently, it was an earthquake.   Just so you know, I'm safe and sound.

Also, I found this site and added my input.   Malang is barely on this map (all the way on the right).  It's just nice to know I'm not going insane from being homesick. C;  Can you imagine being so homesick that you hallucinate earthquakes?!  I'm glad I'm not there. C;

http://pasadena.wr.usgs.gov/shake/ous/STORE/X2007fubd/ciim_display.html

Polehan

In this area, if you say, "Polehan," everyone knows it's the not-so-good neighborhood. We visited the after school site, but the kids were on vacation for the week. (It's independence month! Red and white flags already line the streets. Reminds me of the fireworks booths being set up around the city toward the end of June.)

There are about 20-28 kids that come. Some of them can't even afford school. But here, they come for free. Some children arrive as early as 11 and stay as late as 3:40. Each day, they learn English. They study math and other subjects through creative learning. They just received Legos to build and play with!

We met a few families. The first was so generous, offered tea and gifts. The son is Ronald, so sweet! I held his car in my hand, a thin, plastic version of hot wheels.

The children walked us through their neighborhood. We even met Billy's mom. Billy has won kite competitions! He is shy and, in his bright blue shirt, barely peaked out as we were leaving.

We met another lady with 5 children. Their family struggles financially. In tears, they must choose to send their oldest child to school or to fix the roof and walls of the house which are rotting away. For safety reasons, the family of 7 must cram in a room the size of my bedroom with plastic on the floor to sleep at night. Yet, she asks and trust that the needs would be provided. In the midst of such uncertainty, their faces beam with joy!

Hoping to return for the special program on Friday! And eager to do art classes once I gain still more language.

Pain in the suffering, Joy in the offering

So the past few messages I've heard have all been following a single theme: suffering. Now, as sure as I am that there's Someone who knows exactly where and who I am, it still feels ironic that I'm surrounded by messengers with empathetic words for me! Christal and I have been talking about healing and the Spirit. I'm reminded that suffering brings perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. So, I'm anticipating great character and tons of hope!

It feels a little pathetic to feel like I'm the one that is suffering. After all, an old friend lies in the hospital from a serious accident, a lady lies home hoping to avoid a third miscarriage, 3.5 million people are displaced from their homes from flooding, a group of Koreans are being held hostage and 41 people are imprisoned not far from here. Yet, this is where I am: Halfway around the world, away from home. Alone. Limited in being able to communicate. Missing out on events at home. Trying to find my place here. Redefining my role in the lives of others.

My heart is being molded: from a cold, glass heart, shattered into splinters; to one made of crystal, unbreakable; growing into one made of flesh; only to melt; and now being kneaded like bread, strengthened. It has been an insane journey, but I am not hopeless.

Encounters of the past week and looking forward

Island 1 - Bali: Christal has been here for a week now. Arriving in Bali, we visited the children's home. Although it was only half a day, we could tell that they were well taken care of and completely loved. They overflow with joy! Some of the children called me Esther as they remembered the story we told, in which I danced and acted as Queen Esther. Ambara remembered and took me to see her sister, Yulia. What a precious reunion! She came down the hall just as I was coming up the stairs. Glasses on her face and tears in her eyes, what a sweet hug I received! In a year, she keeps growing. I'm eager to see her interests develop. She currently wants to go to culinary school to be a chef and open her own restaurant! It's hard to believe it's already been a year. And yet, only a year! I am eager and excited to see them in just another week and a half at GLC!

Island 2 - Kalimantan: If I could choose only one highlight, it was the brief conversation I had with Simple. She has 3 children, ages 11, 7 and 3. The oldest was in school. The 7 yr. old is Mitra. The youngest is a boy. And it probably took me about 20 minutes to have the courage, let alone figure out how, to ask questions to find out that information! She was full of smiles and most gracious, as we could hardly understand what each other said.

Highlight #2 was definitely the boat ride in the small speed boat through the jungle rivers. We road through narrow places where tree branches hung low, and we had to duck from getting hit in the face! But how beautiful it was! Definitely what I dreamt the jungle would be like.

Island 3 - Java: Home.
A team of 5 has arrived from Philly. This week, they will do teacher training for teachers in the area. Also on Monday, I will begin teaching Lesson 2 - Art through ESL. Or ESL through Art... We have a few families coming in next weekend. So, I'm here for a week and a half before returning to Bali for Mosaic's GLC.

Looking Diak, Fitting in

There's something pleasantly comforting about showing up in a foreign country and people looking at you as if you belong. Maybe not so much in America, it's a melting pot anyway. But I guess some places have more distinct impressions of what people look like in relation to who they are.

As many people as I've encountered here in Indonesia, it seems difficult for them to fathom that I'm American and that both of my parents are Chinese and American too! Walking through the neighborhood with my limited Indonesian, people are generally really friendly. They think I'm one of them, Indonesian. When I went to Kalimantan, from the moment I walked in the door, they thought I was Diak (original people of that island)! For the first few days, I couldn't hardly communicate with them. Our brief conversations would go back and forth with great smiles and laughter: "Diak" and "Tidak" (No). Eventually, I stepped out and was able to find out their names and a few of their backgrounds. And I'm not sure what exactly contributed to make the connection that we formed, but by the time we left, we were all enhancing our language skills - English for them and Indonesian for me. They were asking me to come back to teach English for 3 months. I don't know that I could do it.

As much as I already miss the river... where people and pigs use holes in the floor for the toilet, this same water is used to cook, take showers and do laundry... Even the well water, though clearer than the river water, is still brown and has a "natural" scent and added texture... Not smooth like clear water... Trash and plastic bottles are collected in the swampy water under the houses, just like you would see in a green peace promotion. The trash simply just collects there.

In the middle of the night, if you had to use the bathroom, you'd have to go outside to the squat pot house where you pour in buckets of water to flush, which is still better than a hole-in-the-ground outhouse. Mosquitoes carry malaria.

Now, maybe swimming in the river would be different, because you could shower afterwards. During sunset, you can't tell what color the water is because the beautiful colors of purple and orange are reflected in the water. And after an afternoon in the heat and feeling sticky from the humidity, a dip in the water would be refreshing! Not that I could with my leg still healing.

But the people were full of life and joy. That in itself is worth the visit. And even the potential to return.

The Jungle

Nine months ago, I distinctly resisted the thought of going into the jungle. It is a mysterious place, where anything outrageously bad could happen. Danger and nearly-naked people with face paint and spears lived there. Yet, when asked to visit, I couldn’t help but jump at the opportunity!

I have returned home from a brief trip to Kalimantan. Yes, the jungle. The main river’s water looks like cappuccino. We went up a smaller river, where we would often have to duck and dodge tree branches. There, the water was like black coffee!

I went up the river, passed by Monkey Island, and even stepped foot into a few villages there. (A few naked kids, but no one with face paint or spears chasing after us.) The people were definitely friendly and hospitable, full of joy and life! We sat in their homes and drank tea with them. Juliana and P. Rudy.

I never imagined a farm in the jungle. We ate rice, veggies and fruit from their farm. The food was delicious! We tasted fresh pineapple - even better than any that I ate in Hawaii! The weirdest thing I ate was not crocodile or monkey, but fried jackfruit. Yum!

I’ve been watching a handful of my greatest personal fears come to life. I still haven’t even been here for a full month yet! It’s been one of the most petrifying months of my life. But I’ve been protected and encouraged at just the right times. And, at the core of me, I have thoroughly enjoyed the journey... I can’t imagine what could possibly be ahead in the next 11 months.