It's 4 am. I cannot sleep. I keep dreaming, but am wide awake. I am afraid to tell God, "Talk to me, I'm here," because I'm afraid of what He might say. I muster up my courage to finally stop.
"Okay, I'm here!" In my stubborn desire to do all the talking, "I want to remain fruitful (though feeling a bit inactive)."
He gently reminds me to stay connected to Him. "Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them." Ezekiel 47. He's my sanctuary: sacred and safe. My 'water' - the motivation, the vision, and the hope - comes from Him.
I am afraid to tell God, "Talk to me, I'm here. I'll do what you require, and I'm listening." Because I'm afraid of what He might say given 'permission' to be heard. I'm afraid of just what He might require of me.
I go back to the story about Samuel. 1 Samuel 3. "In those days the word of the LORD was rare; there were not many visions."
(Basking in awe.) "WOW. Okay," at the thought that God would have ever entrusted me with a vision to begin with. (Back to being humbled.)
Still.
Still, I'm am safe. He is my sanctuary. And so, in this, I will rest. 6 am.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
1 comment:
I am reading "Emotionally Healthy Spirituality" by Peter Scazzero. I like it so far! (It says on your comment box to let you know what we are reading). This journal entry reminds me of some of my own journal entries! only I don't share mine because I'm worried someone might think I'm crazy! but reading yours I realize it's a gift! Thanks for sharing!
Post a Comment