Mail

Well, I must say, there's nothing weirder than coming back to
California and getting a package that has seemingly already been
opened! And now, who will I share my Reese's Peanut butter cups
with?! It's not in such high demand here - or if it is, you get to
the grocery store and buy your own.

Mail still brightens my day, just like it did in Indo. Especially
when I have a cold that makes my head feel like it's about to
explode. Which, is exactly how the washing machine sounds right
now. Just as if the water in the kettle has come to a boil.

So, I have a week and a half to work on my report on Illuminate. I
have all of these words to begin with, but none seem good enough.
I'm sure it's a matter of combining words into sentences that will
make all the difference. But for now, I'm still stuck.

Who would've ever thought that I could actually write letters as a job?

Anyway, that's all my head can take for now. Happy sending!

Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever

Maybe it's a physical sign of overworking myself back into California
culture. Maybe it's just something I caught. Whichever way it goes,
I'm sick. Not fun.

Got a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup and a bottle of Zycam.

2 of my gerber's are still alive and well. One is beginning to fade.

The BBQ was a blast! Though, maybe in another few weeks, we can do
one at the beach! Just because I want to.

Well wishes.

California says, "Welcome Back"

While sitting in the apartment today, I felt a little rumbling. It grew and continued on... Silly me, I crawled under the counter. Turned out to be a 5.8 earthquake. Funny. The last earthquake I felt was in Indonesia. Today's felt stronger - maybe because I was on the 2nd story. The mug fell from the top of the fridge. The lamp swung back and forth. I went outside to check on neighbors (inspired by last night's talk with Andy, Garett and Adam). Only one man was in the area. That's an easy line to start a conversation: "Did you feel that?" Of course! At least I knew I wasn't going crazy. He said he just wanted to step outside for a breath of fresh air. I understood. The single breath of fresh air. The moment of deep calm. It was refreshing. If in the maddness of "getting caught up" that's the moment I get, well, I'd simply better enjoy it. Even after an earthquake.

Initiate

Initiative: I appreciate it when people take initiative. If one
sees a problem and a solution, when they pursue either, it lets me
know that they aren't oblivious. Oblivious to the process, oblivious
to what matters to me, oblivious of the need for both.

Initiation: I've always appreciated the process of initiations. To
have respect for the place, organization, group of people, community
that you would submit to their thrashings. And to trust that they
won't beat you to a pulp - well, at least not in initiations I can
stand....

For me, my self-proclaimed initiation to Indonesia was the motorcycle muffler burn. I would never recommend a burn, knowingly or unknowingly. Even the smallest are painful and leave ugly scars. But it was a dose of reality. It is such a normalcy for the masses who mostly get around by motorcycle. The drama of my own burn was hardly sympathetic. And when it's your first week in an entirely different place, culture, city - you want some sympathy!

Well, a year later, the ugly scar is painless. It reminds me that I was 'brave enough' to suck it up and push forward. It took over a month to heal, but I got through it. I took care of it daily, and it never got infected. And if anything, it's a good story.

So, maybe it will take me a good month to get readjusted to being back. It's already been painful, but I can, again, suck it up and push forward. It's ok to take the time I need to take care of myself. And this, too, will be a good story.

Potluck BBQ Picnic

You're invited! Just so you know, the details.

The Gerber Daisies

Gerber Daisies

I got a handful of gerber daisies the other day. They sit on our
dining table. In the midst of my internal chaos, they brighten my
day. Maybe because they are red-pink-orange, and white. But maybe
more so because they were revived from half a day in the car without
water! With a plastic cup of water from the tap (I know, it
shouldn't have been), and a little help to stand upright, they're all
strong and tall again.

I guess, for whatever silly reason, it gives me hope. That's just a
flower. Am I not more complicated than a flower? Why it is such a
journey for me to feel revived? Maybe I'm just not soaking in the
'water'...

I picked up a sand dollar, too. On the sand dollars were written
'Faith', 'Love' and 'Hope.' Mine reads, "Hope."

Why can't I just accept love the way it's given to me? Where do I
start? I seem to have stipulations as to how I receive love. They
say, "Just receive it." "Be patient with yourself" - and with others...

Still, I never thought my life could feel so beautiful...

Funny Little Things

I went to Bed Bath and Beyond with Garett the other day. Melissa and Brett's bridal registry is there. I got as far as getting the list before feeling overwhelmed. There were 9 pages to it. Not really long for a registry, I know. But then I needed coaching to figure out what to get! Garett suggested that I make a purchase based on my budget. Smart! Looked down the list - no problem. But then, I had to figure out where the items on the list were located within the store!

Walked around to the sheets, and a store employee asked if she could help. I was beginning to get overwhelmed, I didn't know what to ask. She was about to walk away, but I finally just showed her the registry and asked her to clarify bath sheets. They're not sheets, just actually extra long towels actually. So back to the towels, where they only had one of 2 colors that were needed. I couldn't do the towel sets, I'm picky that way. Only to go to kitchen items, but I could only find one pan that was listed. So I asked a store clerk to help, maybe I could just point out the items on the list and he could find them. But he was just going to help another customer, so he asked if i could wait 5 minutes - fine with me! But then Garett suggested that I just get the one pan and one towel. I was beginning to get overwhelmed that I just didn't care any more. So, I headed back to the towels and then to the kitchen section. Then, we get to the register, they ring it up and ask for coupons. Oh yes, I had two - and could use both! Huge discount and I could've bought more. But at that point, it was overload for me and I just wanted to get back to the car and go home.

There was a whole mall to explore, but I barely made it through a single store!? This whole culture shock thing really isn't a joke!

We went out for dim sum today at Ocean Star Seafood Restaurant. Just getting seated was culture shock. They spoke in Chinese and I wanted to respond in Indonesian. As always, Chinese restaurants are crowded and noisy. It was a bit overwhelming and much to take in! I wanted to ask for certain items in Indonesian. I had to tell myself a couple times that it was okay to pass things with my left hand and that it wouldn't be offensive. I caught myself not knowing how to respond because I didn't want to point to anything with my fingers, but knew that pointing with my thumb would be awkward. But I made it through and enjoyed delicious Chinese food, most of it tastes differently from Chinese food in Indonesia.

I needed a break, so it felt good to take a walk. After driving everywhere for a week, it felt good to get back to walking around. I shocked myself when I pressed the button to cross the street and it beeped at me, signaling when it was my turn to cross! We walked to the Sanrio store, and I was overwhelmed at the selection. A lot of the characters have changed and it's not as colorful as it once was. But they really do carry the Hello Kitty Jewelry - as shown on Kimora (I would watch that on Indovision - cable)! And there's a Hallmark store next door!

Then, we got to go to the Mayan again tonight. I've missed the ambiance, the new lyrics, the good music, the live art. It's so good to be home.

Back and Facing Forward

Lelly had Pandu draw this for me - Love it! It's the first thing
hanging on the walls of my new home. Off to run some errands - it's
been the most productive day since I've been back! We went out to
lunch, to the post office, and I have a bridal shower gift to buy.
And I have girls night out plans at 8! Wow, 4 things in one day!
It's only taken me a week to work up to that!

Thanks Lelly!